I was browsing through my sec 3 placement briefing paper and I have made up one definite choice. I shall make sure I’ll be eligible for Higher Mother tongue. Yes, I shall work hard and not make my hopes dashed at the end of this year. No, I really don’t want to drop Higher Mother tongue. But the thing that’s worrying me is the very big possibility of me not abling to acquire the second qualification for Higher Mother Tongue, which is to be the top 30% of the whole cohort. I mean like based on my current academic progress, it’s an obvious case of really hard work needed. And I’m very aware now that the problem with me is that I don’t have commitment and also because of absence of self-confidence in my ownself. Many teachers pointed out to me that I have no confidence to do something new. Well, to come to think about it, they’re true actually. Let’s take for instance the results of my common test. I very well know that I could do much better than what I did. Just that I didn’t put in my best effort for it. This is such a case of utter disgrace to me.

I very well am much aware of the fact that some people labeled me as the care-free type of person. Heck, I looked like one, but deep inside this heart, I’m worrying like an effing crazy soul trying to control my tears. Heck, no one understands me. How I wish I wasn’t created. Only then, I could void all these emptiness of life I get. And now, I suddenly remember Kak Wan and Kak Nana. The two inspirational talkers I’ve found so far.

So, I guess I really need to buck up. Mid-years are coming and I shall make sure I do well in it. This year’s streaming, what more should I expect? A goddamnit lousy result? A big N-O that’s my answer.

ROAR! I guess sitting here alone and doing self-evaluation’s kind of worth-it heh? I missed YMC today, and I’m not meeting Ri so hell-heavenly,I decided to do a life reflection which turned out to be quite okay.

Motivational booster , I need you .